Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed. (Psalm 6:2)
July 3, I cried nearly all day. Couldn’t stop myself. I was facing my last chemo treatment with a great deal of reluctance. Each treatment thus far had brought more nausea, dry-mouth (accompanied by nasty, muddy-metal taste), and other discomforts that lasted longer than the previous treatment. I simply did not want to go through it again, not knowing what the side effects would entail.
So I wept. I pleaded with the Lord to stop this madness, to tell me I didn’t have to go through it one last time, to rescue me.
Finally sometime that evening, I recommitted the situation to the Lord. I knew there was no way out. I had to face the gauntlet one more time, come what may. And trust. Isn’t that where true faith lies—trusting without knowing what’s beyond the next summit?
July 5, I walked into the clinic with the most cheerful disposition I could muster. Gene’s presence brought comfort even though we talked little. He was there. And so was my Father. I wasn’t as much aware of Father’s presence at the time … a little preoccupied with my surroundings I suspect. But I know He was holding me closer than Gene could’ve.
Here’s what He did for me the week of my final treatment:
- Very little side effects. This was the mildest of all my treatments. God wrapped His loving arms around me and kept the nasties away. I’m believing the medication accomplished even more because of it.
- The Saturday after treatment, my family walked in a march against breast cancer. What support and love! Plus, we had a picnic at my sister’s house afterward. The event boosted my spirits tremendously.
- The next day, almost every lady in our church wore a hat! Their expression of love and support … for ME … overwhelmed me. At the onset of my diagnosis, I told my daughters I thought it’d be cool if someone would have a hat party for me. No one in the church knew that. I can’t begin to tell you how much those ladies showed the love of our Father to me that day. I pray I never forget the power of His love through His faithful daughters.
More tears flowed that Sunday than on the previous Monday. For the past two weeks, I sang His praises and cried … because of His merciful love He showed me through this last treatment.
So, why do we hold back tears as though they’re forbidden? Why do we choke on them as though they’re shameful? Why do we mask them as though they represent weakness?
We have the right to cry out to the Lord. He hears and answers in unexpected ways.
How about you? How has Father responded to your cries?
See you in a twinkling,
Brenda K. Hendricks
Brenda, I am missing you at MCWC.
May you receive the strength necessary for each new day.
With love & prayers
Thanks, Vi, I miss being there. By the grace of God, next year.
Dearest Brenda, thank you for sharing this moment of powerful of love and weakness with us. It is good to cry and empty our heart. God can heal our emotions through crying and make us strong for others around us that are hurting. I have gone through difficult situations myself and sometimes it is so unbearable to keep going as I don’t see the way out. I understand that God is building my character through perseverance and patience. I begin to get the importance of spending time alone with God in the morning. One time, I got up feeling so depressed about my struggles. Of course I had prayed about them but I was still struggling. I started crying and confessing the psalms. I remember my bible study about praising God for the good things He already gave me. I got up and starting giving Him a sacrifice of praise. Then the cries stopped and peace filled my heart. I was ready to go and deal with what God wanted me to do about my struggles.
Good point, Sana. Thanks for posting.
I have had you in my prayers. God gave us emotions for a reason!
Thanks for your prayers. God has been faithful in His response. And yes, He has given us emotions for a reason.